I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
