im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
