grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
