I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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