Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
