Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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