I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
