It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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