After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
