im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
