Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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