I heard we made out
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
