You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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