being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
