Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
