People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
