im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
