That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
