I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
