I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
