worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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