I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
