K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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