ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
