There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
