I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Barsexuality is the new black.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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