Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
