this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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