you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think i have two assholes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
