My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
