Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
