for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
