hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
