what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
