I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
