I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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