You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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