woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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