I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
