i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
