so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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