New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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