Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
