Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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