god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
