She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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