Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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