dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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