This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
