Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can text with my tongue
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
