Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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