i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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