I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
